My fellow Americans,
My name is Gil Fulbright, and I’m running for president in the most expensive race in history. Other candidates may beat around the bush (or Clinton – whatever you’re into), but I’m here to keep things honest: I owe my entire political career to special interests and lobbyists, and if elected, I’ll spend my presidency paying them back while screwing over the American people.
Like most politicians, I’ll exploit a broken system and sell you out to keep my campaign funded — but at least I’ll sell you out to your face.
Stay honest my friends,